This is fascinating, to me. To ask myself when looking at another, or even (more importantly) when looking at myself…
“Do I really see you? Or, am I only trying to get something from you?”
In one way, it’s so understandable that we would ‘want’ something from another person; something or anything that might add value, wellness, or a moment of comfort in difficult times. However, there is also the reality that sometimes we simply are not available to give what is wanted. Sometimes what is asked for, simply isn’t there within us.
Curiously, as an example. Last night, laying in bed, I visualized waking up early and going for a long and peaceful walk through the beautiful Sintra hills. In this expression of what was wanted, I was asking for life to support that vision. Yet, upon waking up, I was greeted with thunder, lightning, and heavy rain; kind of the exact opposite of what I was asking for. 😂
It was interesting to see the different interpretations of this, with life not giving me what I asked for. I could see life as withholding something from me, as deliberately against me. I could use that experience as further evidence of my imagined unworthiness, and so on. All of which is looking at life through a filter of not getting what I wanted from life.
Yet, from a completely different perspective, without the filter of ‘me’ missing something, I see a profound beauty in the thunderous rain. Of course, this is in part why the Sintra hills are so lush, green, and beautiful. They needed both sunny days and rainy days, and today needed to be the rainy day.
To extrapolate further, the oxygen I breathe is greatly supported by this lush environment. So, the weather pattern as it is, is also supporting me simply being alive.
If I experience any pain/suffering in not getting what I want, it’s obvious that I think I ‘need’ what I want in order to be whole and complete, in order to ‘be enough.’ This, of course, is an innocent misunderstanding. That misunderstanding about what I am, then, naturally, misunderstands what I’m looking at; I misunderstand life, and see life with violent or unkind eyes.
Just as in Life, when sunshine is not on the menu, sometimes what I want from myself simply isn’t available. Sometimes I ask myself to be creative, inspired, motivated, or even ‘happy,’ and that simply isn’t there right now. In fact, sometimes there’s a storm.
I can look at myself through the same filter, thinking that “if only I was how I wanted, then I could be whole and complete. If only I showed up how I wanted, then I would extend Love to what I am.”
How silly it would be to say to life, “If you let the sun shine today, I will love you.”
This, of course, points us toward a deeper love, a more real love, for Life, for others, and for ourselves. The beautiful invitation is to: see more clearly, to see things how they really are, and not as something that stands between me and what I only ‘think’ I want in the future.
Isn’t that amazing? The real love we crave, and all its flavors, come by way of seeing and not doing; and… as they are seen, then those flavors move through us as an effortless doing.
Wow. 🙏
Sometimes I can get so lost in what I think I want from life, others, and myself; that something (an adorably innocent misunderstanding) in me is terrified of not reaching that photoshopped life in the future; where who I ‘think’ I am is whole and complete.
Sometimes we can become so scared of letting go of what we want, understandably; until the pain of holding on just becomes too heavy to carry. I guess the good news is, we are allowed to let go at any time, but… we don’t have to. That sounds like love.
I guess often we can think the pain/suffering is there because we don’t have what we want, but maybe… It’s there because we don’t see the wholeness we already have. Just like in seeing another person, the more we want something from them, the more we don’t see their wholeness.
So beautiful. Thanks for sharing these discoveries will me.
