Quote: “The ego wants to judge you, so you don’t have to… “Let go of the ego.” If the ego can disempower you, then it means you don’t have to step outside your comfort zone, take risks, or open up.”
My computer has some pretty amazing capabilities, and it has some well-defined limitations and restrictions. The better I understand what they are, the more I can use this instrument in a powerful, productive, and joyful way. Likewise, the less I understand about this tool, the more I venture into a less than joyful and frustrating experience.
For example, if I’m not aware that my computer has a limited power supply when using the battery, I could set myself up for frustration and disappointment. If I don’t understand my computer’s processing limitations, I could spend hours upon hours trying to anxiously understand why my computer is so slow when I’m unaware that I have 45 Chrome tabs open and 25 applications running in the background.
Elevate = More Awareness
The simple awareness of the limitation helps me use the tool more effectively and provides a much smoother and more productive experience. How easy is it to blame the instrument for my anxious experience when, in reality, it’s my lack of awareness and understanding of the instrument that causes the frustrating experience?
The more I “know” the instrument, the more valuable it becomes for my lived/creative journey. What I also know is that I cannot force the instrument to operate how I want it to if I’m not willing to acknowledge the reality of what is or isn’t possible. It doesn’t matter whether I want the computer to be faster or not; if I’m not willing to honor the reality of what’s possible for the instrument.
There might also be the reality that I’ve reached the capacity of my computer’s speed, and now, instead of hopelessly demanding it to be faster, I have to learn to work with the reality of its capabilities. Often, what I’ll find is that I didn’t really need it to be faster. What I required was a better understanding that gave me more options or a more efficient way of doing things. What I initially considered a limitation actually turned out to be a doorway to increase my skill level or gain a deeper level of knowledge.
Remove Blame in Relationship
There’s a relationship happening here between my conscious awareness and the instrument I’m relating to. For me to get the most out of the relationship, I have to both learn about and honor the reality of what I’m relating to.
I find it amazing how obvious this is when it comes to the tools we use, but we often miss the obviousness of this when it comes to being in a relationship with our body and mind, along with being in a relationship with other people. Furthermore, the same goes for being in a relationship with our work, service, or the business we are building.
How often do we avoid learning about the capacity of our mind, so we can find a healthier relationship that allows us to get the most out of it? Since, of course, the mind is an instrument we use on a daily basis. The same goes for the body. How regularly do we just blame and criticize the body without a sincere effort to understand how we can elevate our relationship with the vehicle we call the body?
In fact, how helpful is it to hate the instrument because it doesn’t do what you want? Doesn’t that just lead to even more distance between where we are and where we’d like to be?
It seems to me that if I’m going to make any genuine progress, I have to take a breath, take a step back, and reevaluate my relationship; how am I relating to the “thing” I’m trying to dance with? Clearly, my frustration isn’t caused by “the thing,” it’s caused by my attempt to use the thing in a way that’s not meant to be used.
My frustration (or suffering) with the mind doesn’t make it the mind’s fault. My frustration is in my lack of understanding of what the mind is, how to use it, and honoring the reality of its capabilities. Honoring the mind, any instrument or person, also speaks to the care I give it. Just as with my computer, if I treat it poorly, its performance will suffer. The same goes for everything else I’m in a relationship with; if I don’t honor it, then the relationship will suffer; meaning: what I get out of it will suffer as well.
Potential Relationships to Re-Evaluate
First and foremost, what I feel is the starting point, is to reevaluate your relationship with Life as a whole. Yes, you are in a relationship with Life, and within that relationship, you’ll find all your other relationships. If… your relationship with life is problematic, you’ll find that the problems created there will infect ALL of your other relationships.
Maybe to add a spiritual flavor to this, I’d suggest that your relationship with Life is what begs for the most healing. In fact, a step further, the conflict, drama, and difficulties we experience in our worldly relationships with people, places, and things, are presenting a deeper opportunity to heal your relationship with Life as a whole.
Also, it’s worth noting here that your relationship with Life is unavoidably tied with what appears to be your relationship with yourself. The more deeply you dive into this, you’ll realize Life and You are one and the same. Beautifully so, that is the point to be discovered. What we uncover is that the problems we experience in our relationship with Life come from not seeing just how much we are One with Life. The problem, conflict, and drama stem from a mistaken perception or assumption that what we are is somehow separate from Life as a whole.
Potential Relationships to Evaluate & Elevate
With the list of types of relationships below, I’m not suggesting that you have to figure out, or elevate, all of them before you make progress. My suggestion is to see which one seems to be creating the biggest block to you – moving forward. Choose one or two that stand out the most, and then explore…
My Relationship with, the/my…
- Heart
- Body
- Mind
- Time
- Present
- Past
- Future
- People
- Partner
- Family
- Friends
- Work/Service
- Opportunity
- Resources
- Team
- Customers
- Leads
- Money
- Tools
12 Powerful Questions to Evaluate Your Relationships & Elevate Your Relationships
- Where am I prioritizing my fantasy over the reality of what is?
- Where am I demanding rather than seeking to understand?
- Where am I not honoring “the something” I’m in a relationship with?
- Where am I avoiding honesty/transparency and just being arrogant? (ouch!)
- Do I have a clear vision of the potential value of this relationship?
- Do I have clear steps for elevating my relationship with this/them/it?
- Am I willing to commit myself to elevating this relationship?
- Have I completely forgiven this/them/it for the frustration I experienced?
- How am I, intentionally or unconsciously, damaging the quality of this relationship?
- How and where do I distract myself from elevating this relationship?
- How can I reframe this relationship, turning it from a problem into an opportunity?
- What is one small daily habit I can implement that would elevate this relationship over time?
Don’t Judge Yourself, Empower Yourself
It’s quite common, when evaluating our difficulties and seeing how unconscious we might be, that we use what we find as further evidence as to why we are “not enough.” We allow this exploration to… “Get us down,” rather than empower us to see things in a new way that unveils meaningful opportunities to grow.
This is a sneaky trick of the ego, and it’s how we avoid stepping into a more connected and powerful version of ourselves. The ego wants to judge you, so you don’t have to… “Let go of the ego.” If the ego can disempower you, then it means you don’t have to step outside your comfort zone, take risks, or open up.
Remember, we will always have unconscious elements within us swimming around; welcome to being human. These elements are not problems, they are opportunities to grow. Your path is to identify where you can make meaningful progress, step by step.
Your, HeartBased, Next Steps…
Breathe, my friend. Relax, and see the playfulness in all of this. Move from an energy of seriousness into an energy of playfulness. Laugh at yourself, laugh at how unconscious you might be in certain areas, and about how you sabotage your progress and success. We are all doing this, it’s not just you.
“Simple, small, actionable steps and a deeper self-honesty (awareness),” is what you’re looking for. Don’t try to conquer a lifetime of conditioning in one week.
Did you know… I’m offering free quick Zoom calls (for a limited time) to help you figure out your next HeartBased steps?
These calls serve two purposes:
- To genuinely support you in seeing the real opportunity between where you are and where you’d like to be, and what is the immediate next step for making meaningful progress.
- And… yes, I want to quickly explore any potential opportunity to support you more directly, whether it’s 1 on 1 or in one of my 2 group training communities. But, please know… if it’s not for you, then no worries. It’s extremely helpful for me to connect with people who enjoy my HeartBased content, so I can learn more about the reality of your experience and create more content that’s helpful for everyone.Furthermore: If you do find the call super helpful, I would ask (not demand) you to be optionally open to writing a short testimonial about how it was helpful.
Fill out this 3-question application here, and schedule a time with me.
