Quote: “Me being open to receiving help, and asking for help, is a gift I give to the world; a gift that comes back to what I am.”
The Challenge of Asking for Help
There was a time for me when asking for help was… really, really hard. My mind interpreted “asking for help” as a sign of weakness, being less than, and being broken. In an odd way, asking for help was a painful option that I wanted to avoid at all costs.
Because of this, it led me to hide even further from my struggle. If I was struggling, something in me naturally wanted help, and I didn’t like that part of me because it was evidence of perceived brokenness. So, I found avenues of distraction, justification, and ways of presenting myself to the world that were ultimately false.
Yet, in my quiet times of aloneness, the struggle was begging to be seen.
Spiritual Ego and Disconnection
On the spiritual journey, it’s common to assume that the wholeness we crave means we need to somehow figure out this “Life thing” on our own. We must become whole and complete by our own doing, and any dependency that receives support from another means we haven’t yet figured it out.
To say it directly, speaking from my own experience, this was utter arrogance on my part; an arrogance that was trying to prove the image of myself as whole and complete. This was a spiritual ego wanting to present a version of myself that matched a spiritualized image of someone who… had their act together.
This didn’t point me toward a deeper connection with myself, others, and life as a whole; in fact, it went in the opposite direction. I became more disconnected, more isolated, and more lonely on my journey. The connection I was craving was delayed and put off until I could figure out a way to no longer struggle.
Years went by, painful years of silently suffering while pretending I wasn’t.
Insight Into Oneness
Then, my arrogance met a profound moment of insight that exposed the futility of this insane strategy. What I assumed was my spiritual quest, my attempt to be whole and complete, was simply my ego trying to hijack spirituality.
The insight was this…
- If all is One, if there is only “the One,” then I am others and others are me. Meaning, any help I receive from others, is really the One helping the One.
You see, in my refusal to ask for help, when something in me deeply wanted help, was a way of proving my separateness. I was effectively saying, “All is Not One” and I am separate from others and life; I must do this on my own.
It’s funny because, if I wasn’t protecting my self-image (ego), my imaginary sense of self-importance, then asking for help would be the most natural and effortless thing to do. It was my ego that feared being rejected, that feared it not working, that feared others seeing me in a way that didn’t match the image I was trying to hold up to the world.
Learning to be Open for Help
Learning to ask for help, or learning to be open for help, was the pathway that led me toward a deeper connection with myself, others, and life. This was the path of getting out of my own way and honoring a deeper sincerity, a deeper truth that… I am human, I am still learning, and yes… I need support from all parts of myself; which includes other people — who, in Oneness, are also me.
Deep Insights on Asking for Help
Here are 3 additional thoughts on the nature of “asking for help” that I feel are deeply important to recognize.
1. Sometimes… the best help is no help.
However, this only applies if I’m open to receiving help and not in a space of demanding help.
Sure, there were many times in my life where I desperately wanted someone else to help me, or, to not stop helping me, and I was met with the opposite of what I wanted. This wasn’t to be open to help, this was a demand for help that was trying to avoid something I feared. In this painful demand, I was effectively blaming the other person (or life) for my pain because they were not helping me.
You see, I wasn’t really looking for help, I was looking for a way to hide from what I feared, and I called it “help.” The deeper discovery here was that sometimes the best help is for me to encounter what I fear so that I might see beyond that fear.
This invites an openness that is unattached to its image of what help looks like, but the openness is willing to allow Life to show you the form of help that’s actually needed. Again, this doesn’t work if I’m closed off to receiving help because I’m trapped in the idea that I have to do it on my own. Really, it points toward a type of surrender that can admit that I don’t really know what I need, but I’m open to life showing me.
It’s kind of like the statement that says to a friend… “Do you think you might be able to help me with this, but it’s totally okay if you cannot.”
2. Allowing others to help me is also me… helping them.
There’s a beautiful synergy here that I find time and time again as I hold space for people in the work I do. It’s not uncommon for a client of mine to think they are bothering me or asking for too much. What isn’t seen is that as I support them, as I help them examine their life and inner world, I am simultaneously examining my life and inner world.
As I help them see less fear and more love, I am helping myself do the same. There is a beautiful exchange happening that serves both sides. Their openness to receiving support from me not only adds incredible value to their life, but also does so for me, as I am able to experience the shining of my inner light. The gift I give to them is a gift I give to myself (again… all is One).
Me being open to receiving help, and asking for help, is a gift I give to the world; a gift that comes back to what I am.
3. It’s not serious. It’s a playful opportunity to explore.
It’s a playful opportunity for you to explore the depth, delight, and miracle of what you are; what we all are, and what Life truly is.
Growth, or the conscious evolution of what we are, is a process of discovering just how connected we are to others, to life, to… everything. In this unfolding, we recognize more and more just how much help there is for us to dive more deeply into (and experience) the miracle of what we are.
The challenge I had with asking for help, or being open to receive help, was a sense of seriousness that forgot how playful this journey was. My sense of seriousness feared losing points in the game; not realizing… the points were imaginary, and the deeper opportunity was for me to play the game with others.
If I fear losing points in the game, then the other players become enemies in that game; the game becomes a serious game, rather than a playful one that facilitates growth and expansion for all players.
Are You Willing to be Open?
A call for openness; a call for a community of heart-based humans who are willing to play the game together and receive support that actually helps you take small, but extraordinary, steps of progress.
Stepping into the Heart-Based Deep Divers Group
In recognizing the profound interconnectedness of our existence, I invite you to consider joining the Deep Divers Group, launching in January 2024. This is more than an “online community”; it’s a sanctuary for those seeking to engage with life through a heart-based lens, where the challenges and joys of being human are met with understanding and compassion.
In the Deep Divers Group, you’ll find a space where your struggles, your aspirations, and your journey towards wholeness are not only understood but deeply supported. It’s a place where the wisdom of collective experience illuminates each individual path, providing guidance, comfort, and the strength to face what lies within and ahead.
Are you ready to open yourself to a journey of heart-based transformation, to embrace the gift of interconnected support, and to discover the profound beauty of seeing yourself, others, and life more clearly?
Well then, take the time to learn more about this opportunity and potentially be 1 of 60 people I will be supporting in a group format while also providing 1-on-1 support to everyone in the group.
Let’s navigate the brilliant (and sometimes wild and frigid) waters of life with love, courage, and an open heart.
Explore, Learn More, and/or Apply
Pause, Reflect, Open Up
Reflect not just on the words you’ve read, but on the spaces between them, the feelings they evoke, and the insights they stir within your own journey.
Here are some questions to guide your reflection, questions that I hope will not only help you assimilate the insights shared but also gently nudge open the door to deeper and more sincere explorations:
- Where in your life are you resisting asking for help? Consider the areas where you feel alone in your struggles. What fears might be holding you back from seeking support?
- How does the idea of ‘All is One’ resonate with your current challenges? Reflect on how this perspective might shift your approach to seeking and receiving help.
- Are there fears or doubts you’re holding on to that might be keeping you from exploring new paths, or opportunities for growth? Contemplate how being more open might help you address and move beyond these fears, and how there could be genuine support available, but your… “adorable” arrogance might be getting in the way.
- What does the ‘playful opportunity’ of growth look like in your life? Think about how you might be taking your growth journey much too seriously, and in that seriousness, you are pushing away kinder and more gentlehearted opportunities for making small, but meaningful, steps of progress.
Remember, each question is an invitation and not a demand, not just for deeper self-understanding but also towards recognizing the value of helping yourself by being open to receiving help from others.
And, of course, this is why I’m creating the Deep Diver’s Group, for those Heart-Based humans who deeply resonate with this approach I point towards.
On a beautiful note, this group is available on a sliding scale that’s based on personal income. This will allow me to include more people from different walks of life, while also honoring what’s needed to practically build and create this container. Learn more about DDG Here
