What is to “hold space for others?”
In a manner of speaking, it’s to create an energetic container or space that fully allows for the human experience. In contrast, the container that’s typically and fearfully held is one that contains defensiveness, expectation, and judgment. This type of space simply doesn’t allow the human experience, rather, it’s trying to control or reject another human’s experience so as to protect one’s self-image or ego.
What I discovered and continue to discover through the journey of self-awareness and becoming more conscious, is that other people are not my problem. In this discovery, there is a natural love and appreciation that emerges for others in their raw humanness.
I find it so interesting that if I think other people are my problem, if I seem them as in my way, then there’s something within that says… “be how I want you to be, then I will love and appreciate you.” This, of course, is a lack of self-awareness and can be considered an unconscious way of perceiving. Unconscious because it’s not true that they’re in my way, and they are not responsible for my fearful states of being.
As I become more conscious and aware of this, there is a natural allowing that honors the experience that other people are having. I’m not so quick to try and fix them or to get them to see how I want them to see. Rather, I recognize the value in simply allowing them to breathe fully and process whatever is moving within them.
Naturally, one of the biggest hang-ups in holding space for others, is taking things personally. There is the almost unavoidable tendency to take things personally, which means, interpreting other people’s words, feelings, or actions as an assault toward my worth and value.
This speaks to the imperative of becoming conscious or… doing the self-work that lets go of other people and stops demanding they be the source of a personal validation. No, the work isn’t always fun and it’s definitely not easy; it can be painful, scary, and sometimes isolating. However, the work points toward what’s actually true.
We have the opportunity to align with what is real and true so we are no longer in opposition to what is real and true. To be in opposition to what is real and true is an uphill battle you are guaranteed to lose. While engaged in that battle, you’ll find yourself struggling to survive the ego and further separating yourself from the love, compassion, and freedom you more sincerely crave.
The beauty here is that as you align with what is true, or live more consciously, then it naturally brings move love, compassion, and freedom into your experience. So, as much as we might think we want to protect the ego, what we truly crave is to align with what is real and true.
What IF… the person I love is terrible at holding space?
Well, my friend, if that was me asking the question, I would ask myself… “How am I at holding space for their difficulty in holding space?”
There is a cosmic mirror at play here. As I increase my capacity to hold space for others, I find that I naturally create/attract an experience where others can hold space for me. It’s kind of like saying, “if you want amazing friends, then be an amazing friend.”
If I don’t have amazing friends, then I have to look in the mirror. If I don’t have people in my life that can hold space well, then I have to look at my capacity to hold space for others.
Self Reminder: This human experience isn’t about what I can get from others, it’s about what I can give. The more I can genuinely give, the more I can genuinely receive. (Give, without expecting anything in return)
It’s kind of interesting how I can reject the space that others are holding, or not holding, and in that is me not holding space for them. It’s me saying… “be how I want you to be, then I will accept you.” This simply doesn’t work well, and there’s a lot to discover here that invites us/me to see more clearly.
As much as we might want the world or other people to be better at holding space, which is totally understandable, it forever starts with my capacity to hold space. Just as we might want the world and others to be more loving, it starts and ends with my capacity to see more love.
3 Tips for Holding Space for the human you love
1. See it as an opportunity to honor and embrace the reality of their human experience (real love), with an openness to let go of your image of them or what you want from them (fear).
2. If something they say or do stings or hurts, understand that it’s pointing to something in yourself that needs more loving attention from you; it is not an attack.
3. If you’re not in a good space to hold space for another, say so, and maybe organize a better time. If it’s urgent, then communicate where you are emotionally and apologize in advance for any difficulty that might arise.
If you know of anyone who might be interested in this topic, I encourage you to share with them the opportunity to join me for this live broadcast.
Even though the live video will be in the context of a man holding space for the woman he loves, I feel it will be great for all who are interested in becoming more sincere space holders.
If you have questions or topics you would like me to address on this video, please reply to this email and let me know. (I’ll do my best to speak to your inquiry in someway)
HUGE HUG!
~Tiger 🐯
