Profound Aloneness?
There is this innocent illusion in our human experience where it looks like there is something or someone to hold on to, it looks like another person might always be there, or it looks like we’ve found some flavor of security that will never fail. Yet, I always discover the insecurity in what once seemed so secure.
Also, as I examine the early days of my human journey, there had been this path of seemingly trying to run from this aloneness, desperately trying to find something or someone that is secure. I was terrified of that aloneness, terrified of the reality of having nothing to hold on to.
Comically, or maybe not, whenever I imagined myself finding that security I would become terrified of losing it and ultimately, fearfully and violently, want to control that something or someone. As in… “I found it and it better not leave!” I would simply turn these things or persons into my prisoners.
This, of course, is a very innocent misunderstanding, and it still plays out on some level today; it’s part of being human. The opportunity… is the gentle remembrance that this Aloneness is the truth of what I am, and I’m invited to recognize that it’s actually what I crave.
It’s beautiful to see that, actually, I don’t want to see other people or things as my savior, which only results in fearing their loss and trying to control them. Actually, if I’m genuinely going to Love them (and experience that love within what I am) then I must release them. This invites me to enter that space of emptiness and see that I’m abundantly okay as I am. This also invites me to release myself from chains and hangups. These chains create limitations that spend my life running from the truth of things (aloneness) and trying to capture the uncapturable; trying to do the impossible when it simply isn’t necessary.
There is a great relaxation here, in realizing I don’t have to run from the aloneness.
Interestingly, I find the aloneness becomes LONELY only when I’m trying to escape the aloneness. It’s when I assume or believe there is something out there that can rescue me, that the sensation of lonely gets activated.
In a funny way, it seems that all of my profound Life discoveries, in some way or another, have shown me that I am… forever alone in the heart of God. Meaning… I am not separate from anything, and the real gift in being alive is to simply be alive; tasting the sunrise and listening to the bird’s song. AND… the struggle of being alive has always revolved around my ego trying to complete itself in an imaginary future, collecting prisoners and fearing their escape.
Ahhh, I can relax now. How about you?
Big Hug!
Tiger 🐯