Is Your Fear… in the Way?

Quote: “Maybe it’s wise to do some self-inventory and reflection to see where you’re not making progress because you’re not willing to face certain fears.”

In one regard, what stands between you (me – talking myself) and making meaningful progress in your business (or life) is fear. In another regard, fear is not in the way at all because fear is THE way.

Often, what we assume to be “in our way” is actually a required step to make progress on the road we are traveling.

If you’re on a path towards a specific destination, you’ll likely face unforeseen obstacles. These obstacles can be perceived in one of two ways:

  • Either as evidence that you don’t deserve to reach your destination, as if life is telling you no.
  • Or as playful challenges that help you grow and become wiser, which is a requirement to connect with your desired outcome.

A great example of this is like when climbing multiple flights of stairs. You want to get to the top, so you can visit a dear friend. As you climb, your legs become tired and weak.

You can perceive the tiredness and weakness as evidence that you’re not meant to climb those stairs and not meant to connect with your friend. You can give up on what you’d like to experience and retreat to where life is comfortable and easy, while also giving up on an experience you sincerely wanted to explore.

Or you can see that this tiredness and weakness is actually the process of you becoming stronger. If you will be the type of person who can climb stairs and have the experience of connecting with that friend at the top, then you have to grow into a person who can climb that number of stairs.

“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.” – Mark Twain

Fear Leads to Self Rejection

Isn’t it fascinating… just how much our interpretation of the struggle determines the value we receive from it? I mean, my goodness, it’s the difference between heaven and hell.

The tiredness and weakness are not “in the way,” they are… “The way.” They’re required if you are going to build the necessary strength for you to reach the top.

This can also be stated as the difference between:

  • Embracing the journey and all that comes with it.
  • Or, rejecting the journey because it forces you to be uncomfortable.

Personally, what helps me through the process of embracing the journey is realizing how much my rejection of the journey is really an attempt to protect my ego; to avoid the possibility of perceiving myself as being rejected.

Of course, in the rejection of the journey, in the avoidance of struggle and the avoidance of ‘seemingly’ being rejected by others, I am rejecting the sincerity of my heart that wants to grow and expand.

“Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved.’ Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” – Henri Nouwen

Super Silly Fears

Here is an almost embarrassing personal example:

There’s a common one-hour walk I take through the old town village of Sintra here in Portugal. I walk 30 minutes in one direction, touch a specific pole, turn around, and walk home.

The other day, I was just about to reach the halfway mark, and there were numerous people around (Sintra is a popular tourist destination). I had this silly thought to myself:

“I should probably just turn around now because people are going to see me touch the pole and turn around, and they’re going to think I’m weird.”

How ridiculous is that?

There was this fear about what other people would think, about how they wouldn’t understand what I’m doing, that they might think I’m lost or confused.

What’s hilarious too is that this fear was quite visceral, like I felt an energy of social anxiety about it. I was about to not do what I set out to do because I feared being misunderstood. The knee-jerk reaction is to just give up, to turn around, and avoid the potential (and completely imaginary) rejection.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

Being a Slave to Fear

The failure in this is being ruled by such a silly fear; being ruled by my ego that wants to (impossibly) preserve itself. The opportunity was to realize the difference between what the mind/ego thought was happening and consciously choose to honor the reality of what was happening.

What was the reality? I was being faced with an inner confusion/pattern that was limiting my experience. What appeared to be something “in the way” was actually an opportunity for me to grow beyond it.

Don’t you see, if I had submitted to the fear, I would have given up on what I set out to do, and, in some way, would have become a slave to such a fear. Facing the fear and finding my way through the fear teaches me that I’m capable of not being a slave to that fear. I grow, even if just a bit.

The next time that happens, even if it happens ten more times, my strengthened internal experience says…

“Hey, I’ve been here before. I’ve been through this, and I have direct experience that shows me this fear isn’t real.”

Naturally, this adds to my reservoir of strength and courage.

“Freedom lies in being bold.” – Robert Frost

Running, Hiding, and Pretending

Don’t get me wrong, there are fears I encounter where, in the moment, I just can’t seem to find my way through them. However, running from them, hiding from them, or pretending they are not there doesn’t help my process of developing the courage to eventually move through them.

What does it look like to run, hide, and pretend? Well, in many ways, it’s not being honest with myself about the real issue. Which is another way the ego looks to protect itself and its precious imaginary self-importance.

This running, hiding, and pretending will often be some form of blame that tries to make the issue about something other than “I’m afraid.”

You see, if the “problem” is something “out there,” some person or circumstance, then I relieve myself of the responsibility to grow. However, if I see that the issue is my own (innocent) weakness/confusion, which is really an opportunity to grow, then I have to be willing to face my fear and be uncomfortable.

I may not yet be ready to face certain challenges and fears, or at least “think” I’m not ready, but being honest about what’s really happening is what invites strength and courage into my experience.

Here are some famous quotes about self-honesty:

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are.” – Jim Morrison

Self Inventory (inquiry)

Maybe it’s wise to do some self-inventory and reflection to see where you’re not making progress because you’re not willing to face certain fears. Can you also see where you make excuses and blame people or circumstances, when really it’s you just hiding from something?

The mind/ego is extraordinarily crafty in its ability to justify the avoidance of fears. This is why genuine self-honesty can be rather difficult, because we can be so (unconsciously) good at lying to ourselves to protect our ego.

In many cases, we would rather not look at this deeply because subconsciously there are so many areas we may be hiding, and we simply… “Don’t want to go there.” It can “seem” quite overwhelming.

Understand though, moving through fears is a lifelong journey that never ends; it’s intimately intertwined with the experience of growth and expansion, and growth and expanding are an unending process.

Here are some famous quotes about self-inquiry:

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” – Gloria Steinem

Be Still… Open Up, Fear Less, and Love More

Stillness, at least for me, is the doorway into seeing beyond all the fearful noise and connecting more with the love (or progress) I crave. In contrast, the opposite of stillness is a busy mind that’s trying to think its way out of fear, struggle, and thought. Of course, that goes nowhere.

Being still is like a willingness to just be profoundly honest with myself. This radical self-honesty is to “be open.” To be open to see what is actually going on, rather than hiding from the reality of what is going on. And the reality of what is going on, especially if I’m suffering in any way, is that I’m trying to hide from a deeper issue and wrapping myself up in a web of blame.

Fearing less isn’t the absence of fear. Rather, it’s the softening of fear. For me to soften the fear, I have to be willing to see and acknowledge the fear. I have to invite my fears into the present moment and meet them. As I do, as I look at them without eyes of rejection and judgment, I start to see that they are either completely imaginary and silly. Or they are clearly not as big of a deal as my mind is making them out to be.

Loving more isn’t something I try to do or make happen through some form of effort. Loving more is the natural and effortless byproduct of fearing less. Fearing less is the natural byproduct of seeing more of what is really true.

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” – Dalai Lama

A Heart 💜 on Fire 🔥

Gosh, a heart on fire, but only in the most joyful of ways. After writing this, my heart is on fire. I’m so incredibly inspired by this opportunity we have as human beings to embrace the journey and take tiny but meaningful steps in the direction of our heart’s deepest resonance.

In doing the work I do, yes, there are many fears I have, there are many things I imagine are “in the way.” But clearly… this is the adventure, and I’m willing to show up and do the best I can. I’m willing to… open up, fear less, and love more; and in the process, I will unavoidably share this love with the world. 💪

At, I’m building something that serves the heart of those who also want to embrace this journey with me and connect with a community of others who can all support each other.


Well, there’s the HeartBased Solopreneur Group Training, where this group works together to overcome fears and make meaningful progress in their business journey. Furthermore, I share practical business lessons on how to build a clear, focused, and profitable business – as someone who gets paid for loving on people.

Also… Coming Soon!

HeartBased – Deep Divers, Group Training & Support

HeartBased is putting together a group opportunity to support people who understand just how important it is to open up, fear less, and love more. The focus of the group is to:

  • See yourself, others, and life more clearly
  • Learn to trust more in what Life is doing through you
  • Dramatically reduce relationship drama and conflict
  • Forgive the past, let go of the future, and be alive now
  • Remember deeply the miracle you’re swimming in
  • Open up, fear less, and love more

Want to learn more?

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” – Joseph Campbell



SGT Solopreneur Group Training

Rise up… honor your value, and share your heart with the world.

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