When it comes to offering a service, I can deeply empathize with those who fear asking for money. There’s this hesitation or unease that makes us question our own worth. We don’t want to offend others with our pricing or be seen as taking advantage of them. Fearful thoughts race through our minds:
- What if they think it’s too high or too low?
- What if they can’t afford it?
- What if they believe I’m trying to exploit them?
- What if they say no?
- What if I can’t truly help them?
- What if they ridicule me?
- What if… (fill in the blank with your own fear of rejection)?
It’s important to address these concerns and find clarity. By recognizing the value we bring and understanding that asking for money is about acknowledging our worth and establishing an appropriate exchange of energy, we can navigate these fears and honor the value we provide to the world.
Fear of Rejection
What fascinates me is how much this fear revolves around protecting myself from rejection and worrying about what others might think of me. It’s as if their response to my request determines my worth and value.
Similarly, I may have a distorted view about “asking for money” and take it personally, fearing rejection. But it’s important to remember that other people may also have distorted views about being asked for money, turning it into something it’s not.
Taking someone else’s distortion personally is rather silly.
This is similar to offering someone a gift or extending a willingness to help, and then interpreting it as a statement that they are not enough. But that’s not what your intention was. You were offering support and love, not trying to make them feel inadequate.
Of course, you are open and willing to support them. But for them to truly receive that support, they also need to work through these distortions that may prevent them from seeing the genuine intention behind your offer to help.
This Isn’t About Money, at All
What becomes evident to me is that these fears and challenges surrounding the act of “asking for money” are not truly about the money itself. Money simply becomes the scapegoat. In reality, it presents an opportunity for me to gain clarity and overcome the distortions that hinder my ability to fully express myself.
These fears, like all fears, serve as internal alarms indicating that I’m not perceiving things clearly, and instead, I am creating imaginary obstacles and monsters in my mind.
The Real Journey
Whatever path we choose, whether it’s in a relationship or building a solopreneur business, the key is to select a path that resonates with us. This chosen path will take us on a journey where we confront our fearful distortions, enabling us to gain clarity and see beyond them.
It is easy to mistakenly believe that the purpose of this path is to achieve some external outcome or destination. In reality, however, we are seeking an internal transformation that empowers us to show up in a more competent, loving, and empowered manner in ourselves and in life. We are seeking growth, evolution, and a deeper understanding of who we are and what life really is.
If we are unclear about this true journey, we misunderstand the fears and obstacles we encounter as evidence that we should not be on this particular path. The opportunity is not to find a path without fear and difficulty, but rather to confront and overcome our fears and difficulties so that we can grow and progress beyond them.
Look Beyond the Distortion (asking for money)
There is what is, and then there is what we imagine it to be. There is seeing things clearly, and then there is distorting things and turning them into something they are not.
In the simplest and most pragmatic way, what does it mean to “Ask for money in exchange for your heartfelt attention and support”?
- The exchange and flow of energy
When observing nature, we can witness the continuous dance of energy exchange that sustains life. This ongoing exchange enables the flow of energy, supporting the intricate balance of our existence. The relationship between all things is a continuous dance of energy exchange.
Throughout human history, there has been a play of trade and exchange of energy that has benefited all parties involved. While there may be instances where it appears that one side lacks benefits, in the bigger picture, this exchange of energy serves the greater good, allowing the dance to continue.
Consider a tree struck by lightning. At first glance, this energy exchange may seem unfair and unfavorable for the tree. However, from the perspective of the entire ecosystem, this exchange is necessary for the cycle of life to persist.
Similarly, when someone refuses your request for money, you might perceive it as unfair or the opposite of being beneficial. However, this exchange contributes to the larger picture and benefits everyone involved, just like the intricate dance of energy in nature.
Asking for money in exchange for your services is a fundamental part of running a solopreneur business. It ensures a continuous flow of energy, supporting your growth and development, as well as honoring the value you provide to the world.
Being Out of Balance
Things start to get out of balance when something takes from another without a proper exchange of value. Life will automatically restore this balance. For example, if you give of yourself without being open to receive, you will eventually exhaust yourself and be forced to give back to yourself.
Similarly, if you offer yourself in service but charge too little, you won’t receive enough energy (money) to support yourself in a healthy way while providing the service.
Our distortion, driven by silly fears, prevents us from honoring a proper value exchange. This cuts us off from receiving what is necessary to provide a service joyfully and productively. This self-imposed isolation creates a more stressful journey, which is actually a pain response that is trying to prompt you to open back up.
Honoring Your Value
When considering practical aspects and avoiding creating fearful stories based on others’ opinions to determine my value, the pricing of my services ultimately revolves around honoring a value exchange that allows me to provide an authentic and enjoyable service.
If someone finds the “price” unsuitable, it simply means that it’s not a good match at the moment. The challenge lies not in the mismatch itself, but in the distortions that assume it carries a meaning that it doesn’t.
This distortion, which doesn’t equally honor the potential match and/or mismatch, is what brings us out of balance with the flow. The distortion is actually trying to “take” something without “giving” something.
If you’re going to honor yourself (your value), then you have to also honor the other person. Honoring the other person is like releasing them to have their own experience. You give yourself back to yourself by first giving other people back to themselves.
These fears around asking for money are the opposite of honoring the other person. The fears are trying to take from others. The fears want other people to think “this or that” about you, rather than simply allowing other people to think what they think.
Discovering Your Value
The more you understand your value and why it costs what it costs, the easier it is to communicate that value to others and ask for the exchange you’re asking for.
If we can set aside these silly fears for a moment, and honor the journey and opportunity we have to be of genuine service, we might find a simplicity in discovering our value.
Here are some questions to consider when looking to understand your value:
Note: be as honest and practical with yourself as you can, as it relates to where you currently are on your journey.
- How much money do you need to generate per month to create a stress-free environment for you to provide the highest value service?
- How many customers or clients can you provide this high quality of service to, in a way that honors your own well-being?
- What’s the overall value and impact this service could have on their lives?
- In 6 months from now, how much do I need to charge per client or customer to reach my revenue goal?
- divide the revenue goal by the amount of clients I can provide my service to.
- Example: 30 clients per 90 days, revenue goal of $10k per month ($30k per 90 days), equals €1,000 per client.
- In 6 months time, I need to be able to find 10 new clients per month.
- Or… cut in half, 15 clients, €2,000 per client, 5 new clients per month.
- or… cut again, 10 clients, €3,000 per client, 3.33 new clients per month.
- This is just an overly simplified example
Honor the Exchange of Value
- The price I charge is about honoring the value I can provide, and… it’s about honoring my clients as well. I charge what I charge, so that I can honor our exchange and show up for them in a valuable way.
Maybe in another beautiful way, we can see that I’m not really “asking them for money.” Rather, I’m seeing if there is an alignment of energy exchange.
It’s like saying…
- “Wow, I recognize the potential opportunity to spend time together and share value. I’m curious if we can find a suitable exchange that allows for that. If not, no worries, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Perhaps we can work together in the future.”
- “Oh, and if it doesn’t work out, I have created a variety of free resources that can still add value to your life without requiring any direct energy from me to share them with you.”
Clarity Conquers Fear
Clarity is the solution to fear.
When we have a clear understanding of a situation, it becomes easier to overcome our fears. This is especially true when it comes to the fear of asking for money. Many solopreneurs can relate to the hesitation and anxiety that come with pricing their services and worrying about how others will perceive their value. However, it’s important to recognize that asking for money is not about devaluing ourselves or taking advantage of others. It’s about acknowledging the value we provide and finding a fair exchange of energy.
By reframing our mindset and focusing on the genuine intention behind our services, we can navigate this fear and honor the value we bring to the world.
If you want to accelerate your journey in gaining clarity and overcoming fears, there are opportunities available for you to exchange value and receive the support you need. Just as you ask people to give you value in return for the support you provide, it’s important to be willing to do the same yourself.
The Solopreneur Group Training Program (SGT) is a community I have created for new and active heart-based solopreneurs. Together, we work towards gaining clarity, getting focused, and becoming profitable. The goal is to help you save years of struggle and disappointment by quickly finding what works for YOU, so you can make meaningful progress towards your revenue goals.
When you apply to join, we can connect and explore where you currently are and where you’d like to be. Regardless of whether or not it’s a good fit for you, I anticipate a valuable conversation that will help you become clearer about your next steps.