So, the past couple of days I wasn’t doing so well, I found myself feeling a bit down, a bit scared, and without much access to any inspiration or enthusiasm. I thought it was somewhat perfect timing, as I am scheduled to do a Live Video broadcast today, called… How Do I Not Run From Difficult Emotions? 😝 (info below).
I am feeling much better today, and I wanted to share some insightful reflections that might bring a deeper allowing to you, for you to feel what you feel.
Firstly, when I’m feeling painful emotions, I find it fascinating that the mind (innocently) looks to figure out why, which results in a bit of blaming something or someone. “Why do I feel this way? Because of this and that.” That’s understandable, however, what I also notice is that my emotions are not really caused by this and that, it’s more so because of how I interpret this and that; the meaning I give it.
Furthermore, I could blame myself or blame my interpretation, which, again, misses the point and opportunity.
What I find to be the deeper opportunity is not so much to figure out WHY I’m feeling what I’m feeling, but to meet the feeling without an attempt to run away from the feeling. Often, trying to figure out the ‘why’ is really a subtle attempt to get away from the feeling; again, understandable. BUT… am I trying to get away from the reality of the feeling, OR… am I trying to get away from my interpretation of, and blame for, the feeling?
👉🏽 WHAT IS THE REALITY OF THE FEELING?
This is a big question. Do you notice that to find out, you have to meet the feeling in its purest form, which is to not project onto it, not to turn it into something more than it is or less than it is? This question invites a stillness of heart and mind.
In every single case, of meeting the reality of my feelings and emotions, what I find is that the mind, in some way, fearfully exaggerates the reality of the experience. Simply, we get scared and in our fear, we turn things into what they are not.
In my experience, I can see how the mind interprets the feeling in a way that sees myself as less than, and in that… pushes the feeling away; judging it, which results in habits and patterns that ultimately want to hide from the feeling. Funny enough, or maybe not so funny, is that these habits and patterns are expressions of self-judgment which ultimately are forms of self-punishment.
In my history of self-punishment, it’s been related to food and eating things that don’t really serve my well-being, which only creates a downward spiral of feeling… shitty. I’ve made amazing progress in this area of my life, where I recognize that pattern and have the awareness to watch it play out rather than being consumed by it.
Naturally, this progress has been an expression of self-compassion which meets the feelings and emotions in a much more authentic and real way, while being open to acknowledge the deeper issue that I’m just scared and that’s okay. This reduces the intensity of projections and blame, as I see that they are not really true.
In these moments, like the past couple of days, sometimes I just have to take a break and meet myself, see myself, and relatively let go of what I imagine are my roles and responsibilities. Hence, the late arrival of this newsletter, which I scheduled for delivery on Tuesdays.
Again, in the relative letting go of these roles and responsibilities, I can watch the mind’s interpretation of what that might mean, and… it doesn’t really mean that. “If I don’t show up it means I’m less than, or I might not get what I want in the future;” projections of fear which ultimately say it’s not okay to be as I am.
What’s most important, is this sacred self-care that honors and meets the reality of my experience; the world can wait.
Big Hugs,
— Tiger 🐯
