Have you ever been bothered by something you saw on social media, and then found yourself still bothered by it the following day?
Of course, you have. Why? Because that is the function of the social media algorithm. Maybe not so much to directly or intentionally bother you, but definitely to capture your attention so you feel pulled to engage with the platform.
- The algorithm learns to deliver whatever is most likely to engage/trigger you.
Even when you are not directly on the platform. The platform prefers you think about the platform; because this, of course, brings you back more quickly to the platform.
This is not evil. It is a clash between mathematics and psychology.
The mathematics do not care if your trigger is positive or negative. What it cares about is that you stop scrolling and give your attention to something. The algorithm interprets this as providing you with something valuable.
Psychologically, you are wired to pay more attention to potential threats than you are to potential joys. What is fearful (scary, alarming, disturbing, or intense) will be prioritized if it threatens the survival of your physicality or psychological self (ego).
You cannot thrive unless you first survive, therefore managing your survival takes priority.
In many ways, this is paralleled with the Law of Attraction (if there is such a thing); or perhaps we can call it the Algorithm of Consciousness.
If you put your attention on negative or positive things, you will find an infinite supply of more of the same.
Your HIJACKED Mind
While driving down the mountain one morning on my way to the beach-side cafe to do some writing, I was struck by a feeling of not being in control of my attention.
I had the intention to enjoy a quiet and silent drive reflecting on potential topics to write about. However, my mind kept going back to a disturbing video I saw on Twitter the previous day. This memory led to more memories of similarly disturbing things.
In the moment I realized this was happening, I asked myself:
“Wait, what does this have to do with the reality of my life, and the sincerity of what I want to focus on?”
The answer was, “absolutely nothing.” This was fascinating to me.
- My mind was hijacked and I 100% allowed it to happen.
I allowed something random to enter my mind, and it effectively stole units of focus and attention. This made it more difficult to be present and intentional, which dramatically affected my capacity to consciously create my day or life.
To create a visual, it is like trying to focus on driving while there is a bee in the car. 🐝 😱
The Disaster of Distraction
This insight led me to an honest investigation about the value exchange I was getting from social media.
On the one hand, I can search for something specific that is aligned with my intention and find something helpful. This is like deciding beforehand what my focus is, and then searching for something specific to support that focus.
On the other hand, allowing the algorithm to present me with random options that it feels will trigger my attention seems quite dangerous and irresponsible; if… I want conscious control over my capacity to live a more present, focused, and intentional life.
How many times have you gone to a social media platform with curiosity about something specific, only to find yourself traveling down a rabbit hole of something completely unrelated?
Sure, this can be entertaining. But equally, it can become a disaster as well.
The first disaster shows itself as a distraction from what you once decided was the most important thing. The second disaster is to find your mind and emotions negatively wrapped up in something that does not contribute or pertain to the reality of your life. The final disaster is a Life that is no longer your own; with a mind surrendered to somebody’s algorithm.
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- Slowly but surely, your capacity for focused attention, intention, and quality thinking deteriorates, and your mind is simply full of what others want you to think about — so they can control you.
The Way Back to Sanity
You need three things to reclaim your power of attention, intention, and focus. These three things can be applied to almost any desired transformation.
- A genuine “holy shit moment.”
- You have to truly see it for yourself. You have to see just how deeply and profoundly you are throwing away something incredibly valuable. The visual for this is like realizing you threw away a winning lottery ticket, and in order to find it, you have to focus deeply and surrender everything else that is not important.
- “Holy shit! This is so incredibly important right now!”
- A radical and compassionately brutal self honesty.
- Why do we not make progress, and why do we put off what is genuinely important? There is only one answer to this: We are terrified of facing our fears, and the best way to avoid those fears is by not being honest with ourselves and blaming others. We lie to ourselves about the real issue, and we can be so good at lying that we do not even realize we are doing it.
- The more honest you are with yourself, the more you will realize there is no one else to blame. It is up to YOU to do what is needed to make the changes your heart desires.
- A clear plan that honors your life, value, and potential.
- Yes, a plan. You need a plan that helps you organize and prioritize what is actually important for you to get to where you want to go. The plan is not written in stone, it is written to help you clarify your intention, focus your attention, and honor the sincerity of your heart. Without this, you will remain to be someone who only fantasizes about a great life, but never actually creates one.
- It does not matter if the plan ultimately fails; it will in some way. What matters is that you take courageous steps that reaffirm how important it is for you to honor your life, value, and potential.
- Tip: Doing this with others who either support you or desire the same, can dramatically increase your changes of success.
Related to Social Media
“Holy shit! I am giving my power away to a self-serving algorithm that does not value my humanity and does not care about what is most important to me. This action, which — I do — daily, is negatively impacting my life in numerous ways; my life vision, my relationships, and my mental health. Holy shit, I need to do something immediately to put an end to this madness and truly honor myself and the life I have been given.”
What did I do?
I reflected deeply on the value exchange and uprooted all the bullshit excuses I had for scrolling social media.
Excuses:
- “I am staying informed.” Bullshit. If I look at all the things I was staying informed about, it did not actually pertain to the reality of my everyday life. In fact, it only distracted me from my real life, and kept me trapped in a world of opinions and dogmatically polarized ways of thinking.
- “I am finding things that inspire me.” Bullshit. For every ONE positive thing I find, I see THREE negative things and FIVE irrelevant things that eat up my time and attention. It is worth mentioning that the negative things take up more energy than the energy received from the positive things.
- “It helps me relax.” Bullllssshit. It so often does the opposite, as it activates things in me that do not really feel good, but feeds my ego in a polarizing way, putting me in an “us vs them” mentality. Scrolling social media is incredibly distracting, and it helps me hide from dealing with important issues I am afraid to deal with.
- “I need social media for my work.” (cough cough) bullshit? Yes, social media helps your work, but using social media for work-related purposes has nothing to do with mindlessly scrolling and randomly clicking on things. If you use it for work, you can do it more intentionally and only do so on your laptop.
What Am I Sacrificing?
- My time and attention which could be used to grow, develop my skillsets, and increase my capacity to add genuine value to other people’s lives.
- The quiet moments I could be using to regulate my emotions and make contact with a more peaceful internal space that ultimately helps me to enjoy my life more.
- My ability to be present and connect more deeply with others, because my mind is full of nonsense I saw on social media.
- My heart’s sincerity, because I already deeply know that it is not how I desire to spend my time. I am sacrificing what I deeply want, for momentary distractions which only create further barriers between where I am and where I want to be.
My Plan?
Here is the concise version of my personal plan of no longer being a social media zombie.
- Delete all social media apps on my phone; it is simply not worth the temptation.
- Know what I am looking for or what I am going to do before opening social media.
- Have a dedicated time when I am allowed or not allowed to be on social media.
- If I need to scroll in search of something specific, do so intentionally. If I get lost, recognize it, and move on. Allow it to be a meditation exercise.
- For the first 7 days, I read my plan first thing in the morning.
- For the first 30 days, schedule a weekly check-in time with myself to evaluate my progress and make necessary adjustments to my plan.
Conclusion
The best time to fix this problem was probably more than 5 years ago, the second best time is right now. The worst time to fix it is some undefined time in the future.
This is what cracks me up about making meaningful changes in our lives. If it was actually meaningful and important, why would we not treat it as so now? It’s like the decision to be healthy. Saying “I’ll start being healthy next week” is like saying it’s not really that important to me to be healthy.
Sure, if “next week” is the best you can do, then fine. It is better to have a date than no date at all. However, I am reminded of all the meaningful changes I have made in my life. The most impactful changes were the ones that I realized could not be delayed.
In the social media and technological world we live in, which is not changing anytime soon, there are thousands upon thousands of companies that are trying to capture your attention. This is fine, as it is their right to do so; even I am playing that game right now.
- The more clear you are on your life and what is genuinely important to you, the more difficult it will be for others to hijack your attention, in ways that do not serve your ultimate purpose and vision.
This is all an exercise in radical self-honesty and owning your human journey. Yes, I know that sometimes it is hard, and I know that sometimes it seems easier just to surrender your mind to unhelpful distractions. I just warn you, many of those distractions will infect and degrade your human capacity to thrive – truly.
Please see your value, please see your capacity to learn, focus, and grow.
Yes, it is difficult. As is everything that brings extraordinary value to your life. Avoiding the difficult things now makes your future more difficult. Increasing your capacity to do difficult things now makes your future more rewarding and effortless.
If you need, want, or are curious about getting more direct support in finding clarity, getting focused, and honoring the sincerity of your human adventure, you can connect with me here.
You’re appreciated. Go consciously create and live your best life.
