It was an odd week last week. My body battled a virus that left my mind in a broken and fragile place. And, my heart had moments of feeling defeated. I wanted to give up, I wanted to escape any semblance of responsibility.
More about that experience in tomorrow’s Monday inSight Letter.
However, as I started to feel quite better, slowly regaining my strength of heart and mind, I had a “next steps” consultation with a woman from Tennessee. It was a curious thing because given my past few days, it was like something raw in me was open, an empty space that was available to see something. Maybe not to see something “new” but to see something I’ve seen before but in a brand-new way.
Seeing Something in a Brand New Way
As this woman shared her heart, the bare bones of her human struggle, I saw a genuine human who was simply looking for real support. No spiritual hyperbole, no pretense or pretending, just her open heart that saw that Life was inviting her to grow. She was, understandably, scared and confused; expressing so many challenges that I had faced as well. Challenges I deeply knew were the perfect opportunity for her to grow into a deeper self-love and a deeper awareness of her connection with Life as a whole.
As I listened, as I saw the pain in her eyes, as I resonated so much with where she was in her life, I had two thoughts that were like a lightning strike from my heart to my mind.
The first: “Holy shit, this is exactly the type of person, the type of open-hearted human I want to support; to devote my time and energy to, to be in genuine service to.”
The Second: “I have zero doubt that I can add value to this woman’s life. A value that will not only increase the beauty she experiences in her lived experience but also a beauty she can and will experience inside herself.”
To describe these thoughts with words doesn’t do it justice. It was, for sure, a “holy shit” moment. I’m not even sure why, but it was. It was like a thousand scattered pieces instantly clicked together.
Getting Lost & Twisted
A common struggle for HeartBased Solopreneurs, is that it can be so easy to get lost in the “building of a business” that we forget the real heart of the service we are here to provide. It’s the classic trap where other people become numbers, or “leads,” or a means to an end; rather than the real prize of genuine connection, HeartBased service, and watching love spread outwardly from the vessel of what you are.
We see the business as the goal, rather than the impact we desire to have and share. The “business” is more like a map for delivering high-quality value, rather than the “business” being a prize in itself.
The same goes with money. It’s easy to see just how quickly twisted this can become, where money becomes the prize, rather than seeing where money can help you touch more lives and share more loving value.
In such a twisted state of affairs, we lose touch with life, with ourselves, and with the real opportunity we have to gift our heart to the world.
When things get twisted like this, resentments build up, and maybe we start to feel a little gross on the inside. Naturally, then the whole endeavor of being a solopreneur feels like a charade that doesn’t match the real purpose of why we are alive. This can distort our view of “business” and “money,” where we start to see those things as evil, rather than the simple tools that they are. This twisted view then pushes those tools away, which also pushes away a beautiful opportunity to use those tools in a sacred and honorably way; a way that would actually serve the purpose of why you are alive.
The Spiraling Distortions
This quality of being “twisted” is just a state of misunderstanding; we aren’t seeing things clearly. Our distortions turn things into something they are not, and we start believing the “not” as if it’s reality. Such misunderstandings, if not addressed and clarified, can send us spiraling down a dark hole that can be difficult to crawl out of.
It’s like when someone gets twisted about their ideas related to money, without even knowing it they start judging everyone whom they think has more money than them. They start judging other people’s intentions and motives; not realizing, tragically, that their judgments only push away their experience of having more money (or whatever). Such a twisted and confused state can last a lifetime.
Imagine that for a moment…
Someone goes their whole life with this tiny confusion about something, that ends up pushing away the very something they heart-fully desire to experience. Such an innocent misunderstanding, but a real misunderstanding, indeed.
The Heart of Service…
Yes, yes, so many silly words, all to point to something deeply true beyond all the words. “The Heart of Service;” what does that even mean?
My invitation here, in all things I write and speak about, isn’t so much to understand the words, but it’s to see something profound, something that has no words; something that leaves you a bit speechless. Maybe, to gift you your own “holy shit” moment that brings a thousand scattered images into a unified melody; almost like hearing music for the first time again. Awe… the great remembering.
Yea, that’s what it is, a great remembering of what has been true the whole time; we just innocently forgot. We forgot the Real Heart of Being in Service. And, in our adorable and understandably forgetfulness, we got lost.
Remember… the Heart of Service. Remember… the sacred opportunity you have, is, not to make this life about you, but to make this life about a gift that life has asked you to share with the world. Not with everyone, not with eight billion people, but with a few other fellow humans who could receive genuine value that increases the love they experience in their life.
“A few fellow humans;” relatively speaking… any number of people, compared to 8 billion, is a few. Whether you support a hundred hearts per year, a thousand, or ten thousand, it really doesn’t matter. What really matters is the opportunity you have to allow such a loving energy to flow outwardly from what you are and into the world. Don’t get lost in the imaginary numbers, please.
Attitude Shift: Curiosity & Research
One thing that helps me remember this, and I recommend you explore doing the same, is having an attitude of being a “Genuine and HeartBased Researcher” for the “problem” you have set out to help people solve.
You see, I don’t consider myself so much to be “an expert,” or someone that other people “should” listen to. I see myself as someone who is deeply curious about a very specific… “human circumstance,” or a specific human struggle. Of course, deeply related to my own personal human journey. It’s my interest and curiosity in this struggle that has allowed me to grow through the struggle and develop helpful perspectives.
In the spirit of that, I don’t see myself as someone who can “fix” other people. I see myself as someone who is deeply curious about other people’s struggles, and that curiosity (combined with my personal experience) opens a door of exploration that ultimately clarifies confusions and brings us back to a place of sanity. It’s like, together, we cultivate a more loving space that invites life to come in and do its healing magic.
This is why I love supporting people for free, to the degree that I can; it helps to keep me connected to the real heart of the matter. It keeps me connected to the real heart of human beings. Whether they can ultimately hire me or pay for something seems like a secondary issue that carries little importance. I find it joyfully fascinating just how much that doesn’t matter.
A Beautiful Simplicity
Why does it “not matter” if they can pay me?
Because… 2 reasons.
Firstly: In the 16 years I’ve been sharing my heart and offering support, Life has taken care of me. Sure, maybe I don’t have everything my mind “thinks” I want, but more importantly, the real heart of what I am has been abundantly taken care of the whole time. In fact, my goodness, I’m so happy and at peace with the fact that life didn’t give me all the things I think I wanted back then. It was the perfect training ground for me to develop even more value to share with the world.
Secondly: The more I’m helping people for free, then the more common it is that I “randomly” run into to people who are more than willing and able to pay more for support. I don’t need to feel any resentments at all for people who choose not to; mostly because I’m receiving so much value just by connecting with others and learning more about their hearts. This is also helping me to increase my capacity to deliver value to the people who pay me.
Put it this way, in sales, it’s partly a numbers game. I know that if I “support” X number of people per month for free, then “Y” number of people will pay me and my bills will get paid.
So, the invitation here isn’t so much for me to focus on “getting paid.” The invitation is for me to focus on learning, growing, and freely supporting humans who are aligned with my unique HeartBased interests.
Again, this speaks to remembering the real Heart of the Matter. The Heart in this is that I have the opportunity to be a vessel for which love can flow through and out into the world. As I do, while also using some practical business sense, it sets up an increasingly effortless flow that ultimately results in my bills being paid, and … increasing the quality of my lived experience.
Your HeartBased Next Steps
As mentioned, I enjoy taking moments to connect freely with people to explore their hearts and see what immediate discoveries there might be to help them make meaningful progress. These are short calls for us to connect, look at where you are, where you’d like to be, and discover what might be the… not so obvious solution to move forward. Also, these are often just beautiful moments shared between two human beings.
If you’d like to explore your HeartBased Next Steps… you can fill out this 3-question form here.