When the ego gets out of the way… there is this open space that allows for our pain to be felt, seen, and in many cases, transmuted.
Looking back, there have been many times in my life where my ego refused to hold space when someone insulted me, judged me, or showed too much emotion that made me uncomfortable. It’s amazing (and innocent) how the mind can interpret so many threats that simply are not there.
Also, my ego wasn’t interested in holding space because the ego thinks that life is about getting somewhere. Holding space requires a letting go of the future and just allowing the moment to be the moment; in some way. The ego is always analyzing how someone is behaving, secretly asking, “is their behavior helping me get what I want in the future?”
So much noise coming from that little bugger (the ego).
When holding space for someone who is hurting, especially if you “could be” blamed for their pain, it’s quite possible they could say some really nasty things about you.
What I’ve recognized in my experience, is that it’s important for me to hear those nasty things, just as much as it’s important that the other person has the freedom to express their sincerity.
Why is it important for me to hear those things? Because I need to see how I respond internally to those things. For example (unrelated to my current experience), if someone says, “you are worthless,” that can only hurt if I believe it’s true in some way. If I believe that about myself, then I’m not doing myself any favors; there’s an opportunity to see myself more clearly.
Furthermore, if I do believe that about myself, then it’s going to somehow express itself in my behavior someway; making life a bit more difficult. That’s not really what I want. So, if I get that reflection from someone and it hurts, I actually do want to hear/see that. Sure, it can be scary, but again, it’s actually what I want.
Maybe there’s the question of “How do I hold space?!”
For me, it’s incredibly helpful to recognize a deep sincerity that knows… I don’t really know what is best for them, I don’t know what they need, I don’t know what Life is doing with their journey. Rather, I trust that Life knows, so I create a space that invites them into presence, into Life, without any expectation.
It’s like, something within just says, “I love you, and I’m sorry you’re hurting, it’s okay for you to be you right now.”
Also, if they… say a bunch things, ya know, like verbal vomiting, I ask them, “would you like me to respond to what you’re saying, or would you rather I just be here with you and listen.”
Anyway, I appreciate you. Thanks for reading my emails and supporting this sharing.
Big hugs,
~Tiger 🐯